Two months after delivering my fifth baby — a traumatic, whirlwind event that involved a placental abruption, a preemie, and a NICU stay — my parents moved in with us. The move was intended to be temporary, as they had sold their house and needed a place to stay until they could close on their new home.
And it was temporary, until the second home didn’t work out, and they went back to our basement. That second move was also intended to be short-term, but then something unexpected happened: the COVID-19 pandemic.
All in all, my parents lived with us on and off over the course of two years, and while there were some challenges during that time together, we both see it as a huge gift. I’ve even begged them to move back in (more on that later).
They provided me with help at a crucial time in my life after my 5th child was born
The first time my parents moved in, they stayed for only three months. They moved in shortly after school had started for my four oldest children, and having them there turned out to be a huge blessing in disguise. Although they both worked full-time, my mom was around in the late afternoons and evenings to help me with the kids and their activities.
Their move coincided with the fall sports season, which worked out perfectly for me. I had no idea how challenging it would be to have a newborn and four other kids in sports and activities, so my mom’s helping hand felt like a lifesaver. She also frequently folded endless loads of laundry for me in the morning and even would sometimes take the baby’s first morning feeding while I slept in longer, since she tended to wake up early.
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In fact, my daughter’s first smiles happened on the couch with her grandma. I woke up to pictures she texted me of my baby breaking into a huge smile, and those are precious memories for both of us.
The pandemic affected my parents’ plans to build a home
My parents’ first move in with us was temporary; they closed on a condo and moved into it shortly before Christmas. I felt stronger and more rested by the end of their time with us, and I had settled into a more comfortable groove as a mom of five kids. My parents had arrived at the exact time I needed more help, and it felt like everything had worked out perfectly for both of us.
So when the condo they bought didn’t work out and they wanted to sell again, roughly a year later, my husband and I did not hesitate to welcome them back. The plan was for them to live with us for about a month or two until they built a new home. However, then the pandemic hit. The world essentially shut down, and everything from labor to materials was scarce and expensive, or in some cases, nonexistent altogether. Construction obviously became massively delayed, and the months soon stretched out.
This time around, I was out of the newborn fog, the kids were older, and I was working more, so we did encounter a few challenges. For instance, it was difficult for me to find alone time to work or decompress. I’d been accustomed to waking up early to work and having my coffee in silence before the kids were up, but I soon found that my mom liked to wake up early too — and she was a talker, even at 5 a.m.. I also sometimes struggled with feeling like I was doing more cooking and cleaning while she got to play with the kids. But on the other hand, my parents decided to generously give us $500 a month in “rent,” and to help offset their meager food costs.
There were also immeasurable benefits to my parents living there. Our baby essentially grew up with her “Papa,” spending nearly every morning snuggling and watching her favorite cartoons with him; my son played endless games of basketball with my dad in the driveway, and we all ate dinner together every night. My mom also happened to do the dishes like a pro, so that was a definite bonus.
I’d welcome my parents back with open arms
Eventually, the following year, with construction in a standstill because of the pandemic, my parents decided to move into an apartment while they figured out their next steps. They felt our time together had come to a natural close, and space would be best for everyone. At the time, I agreed, but now, looking back, I can only say that I would welcome them back in a heartbeat.
My kids got the gift of having their grandparents around, I had a helping hand with dreaded chores like laundry and dishes, and it felt like we were constantly making memories together. Plus, if I’m being honest, I can clearly see how much an extra $500 a month would help us right now, especially when I’m struggling to make ends meet.
Ironically, my parents have decided to sell the house they built yet again and have once again moved down to a basement. This time, however, they chose to live with my younger sister instead of us. I have begged them to move back in with us, arguing that they could travel or buy a vacation home and come and go as they please from our basement. However, so far, they have refused my pleas.
Maybe they have slightly different memories of our time together than I did, but I can safely say to anyone considering living with their parents that in some situations, it can be a wonderful gift for everyone — just be sure to lay out your boundaries about your alone time.
